I Don't Believe In Love
by fstasu53
Summary: Grissom exorcises his past demons and gives voice to his true feelings.


Disclaimer: I don't own them, I never have and I never will. I don't own the lyrics either they belong to Chris DeGamo and Geoff Tate who wrote them.  
  
Synopsis: Grissom exorcizes the demons from his past and finds a way to give voice to his true feelings. G/S.  
  
Shift had ended twenty minute ago. There he sat behind the pile of paperwork he dreaded doing, but, it was the downside of the job he loved or was that lived.  
  
Grissom sat there, staring off into space, with the earpiece of his glasses clinched tightly in his teeth. Pictures of Sara floated around in his minds eye as painful memories of the past flooded his brain. His aching need to tell Sara his true feeling was always overshadowed by what happened to him long before he came to Vegas.  
  
I awoke on impact,  
Under surveillance from the camera eye,  
Searching high and low,  
The criminal mind found at the scene of the crime,  
Handcuffed and blind, I didn't do it.  
  
LOS ANGELES (a lifetime ago)  
He knew he loved her from the first moment he had laid eyes on her.  
  
Jasmine walked into the coroners office. She stood 5'7" tall, her soft brown hair was cut short,  
and she had the most beautiful green eyes Gil had ever seen.  
  
She was the youngest rookie on the L.A, police force, having come out of the academy with the highest overall scores of any recruit before. There she stood talking to the coroner and having Grissom's undivided attention.  
  
He followed her out into the corridor, calling her name as she started to walk away. "Hi, my name is Gil, and would be honored if you would allow me to take you to dinner after work?" He was much more open with people when he was younger.  
  
"I'd love to have dinner with you. Where and when," she responded sweetly.  
  
"Give me your address and I'll pick you up about seven," he stated confidently.  
  
"Sounds good," she replied taking her notepad out and giving him her address and phone number. One look at the sparkle in his deep blue eyes and she was unable to say no to him.  
  
"I'll be there," he turned to go back to work with a new bounce to his step.  
  
From that day on they dated, spent time together, evenings, days off for a month.  
  
That night he had reservations at a five star restaurant, had a little velvet box he kept looking at nervously. She had said that she loved him and he wanted that to be forever. In the middle of his day, the phone call came, the one that shattered his world forever.  
  
She said she loved me, I guess I never knew,  
Do we ever really know,  
She said she'd meet me on the other side,  
But, I knew right then I'd never find her.  
  
VEGAS (present)  
Sara leaned against the doorframe of his office, see he was lost in thought she debated whether or not to disturb him. "Grissom,:" she chose to disturb him. "Just wanted to say bye."  
  
He looked up at her and smiled taking the glasses out of his mouth. "Sara," he started, rising out of his chair and moving around his desk closer to her. "How would you like to go to breakfast?"  
  
Sara was visibly shocked, looking at his handsome face, she could see something in him had changed. 'Find you voice girl and say yes,' she thought to herself standing so close to him, she could feel his body heat. "Sure, sounds good," she managed swallowing the lump that had formed in her throat.  
  
"Good let's go," he said fishing his keys out of his pocket. The vivid memories of his past reminded him that he should allow himself to feel something, anything. This was a good place to start. Every time he looked at Sara, the feelings he had once felt, way back when, he knew he felt for her only more.  
  
I don't believe in love,  
I never have and I never will,  
I don't believe in love,  
It's never worth the pain that you feel.  
  
LOS ANGELES  
Gil stood over Jasmine's unseeing, unmoving form as she lie there on the coroners slab, as beautiful in death as she was in life. He held her cold lifeless hand and let the tears fall as he tried to say goodbye to the first love of his life. That was the moment he vowed never to allow himself to feel love again, for the pain he felt right then wasn't worth the risk.  
  
No more nightmares, I've seen them all,  
From the day I was born,  
They've haunted my every move,  
Every open hand's there to push and shove,  
No time for love it doesn't matter.  
  
VEGAS At the busy café where Grissom had chosen to take Sara for breakfast they sat with an awkward silence between them. Neither one knew where to start, not did they want to say the wrong thing that would only cause more hurt. Finally, knowing this wasn't how this was to play out, Grissom placed his hand gently over Sara's. He had found a place to start now he needed to get the words right. "Sara, I know I've contributed to making a mess of the friendship we once had. I've let my past haunt me for too long. I have just realized how much I've missed not sharing my feelings with the one person I never meant to hurt. I hope I'm not too late and you can forgive me. I love you."  
  
She stared into his deep blue eyes, her heart had just skipped a beat as she heard the words she had always dreamed her would say. "It's not to late, I was willing to wait for you even if it took forever. I love you too, Gil." The tears of joy threatened to overflow Sara's big brown eyes.  
  
Hearing her say his given name along with her true feelings gave him renewed hope that he was finally doing the right thing opening his heart and feelings again.  
  
She made a difference,  
I guess she had a way,  
Of making every night seem bright as day,  
Now I walk in shadows,  
Never see the light,  
She must have lied,  
'Cause she never said goodbye.  
  
Feeling all the pain that had permeated his heart for all these years, move aside allowing his feelings to finally flood in. He knew he needed to go slowly or his senses might overload causing him to do irreparable damage to what could be a wonderful relationship for them both. He didn't want to mess this up.  
  
No chance for contact,  
There's no raison d'ete,  
My only hope is one day I'll forget,  
The pain of knowing what can never be,  
With or without love it's all the same to me.  
  
"What happened that made you change. You seem so relaxed," she asked carefully.  
  
"Let's just say the ghosts from my past finally let me go. It's a long story and I will tell you all about it, but, now is not the right time," he responded, before she knew what was happening he had brought her hand up to his lips where he gently grazed each finger with a kiss.  
  
LOS ANGELES His mind briefly went back to the time when he thought his work would be the only love left in his life. He could see Jasmine's sweet face clearly in his minds eye. She finally told him goodbye.  
  
I don't believe in love,  
I never have I never will,  
I don't believe in love,  
I'll just pretend she never was real,  
I don't believe in love,  
I need to forget her face I see it still,  
I don't believe in love,  
It's not worth the pain that you feel.  
  
VEGAS Standing next to his Denali, out in the golden rays of sunlight, Grissom gently cupped Sara's face in his big strong hands, "we have all the time in the world for us, so, lets take our time and get this right." He kissed her softly, sweetly, and briefly.  
  
As he held the door of the truck open for her, he silently thank the lord for granting him the strength to take one more chance at love and a life he deserved. He thought as he watched Sara get in the vehicle, 'I finally believe in love.'  
  
End


End file.
